A Wandering Homeless
Notice anything? A new haircut? New shirt? Well... my blog's name has changed. "I'll give it a try" is no longer. I think I've tried it enough... write much enough... addicted enough... and enough not have to try anymore.I thought I must have a new name for it. If I'm not trying here, what am I doing here?
Looking back to the origin of it brought my dreamy head to places... where I stayed... how I started this thing... where I am now... a new apartment, but not mine. The thoughts got carried away... my old apartments weren't mine either. I can't call them home. They are just nice places I stayed in for a period of time. How about my parents'? Yes, that's home. My parents' place will always be my home...wherever they'll be. But, it's a sanctuary-type home, where I can feel safe and taken care of.
But, it's not the home I'm talking about here. I'm thinking of a home, a sanctuary provided by me (not for me). A home that I can welcome family and friends. A home that I can offer shelter, food, and protection. A home that I am the man of the house...the caretaker.
I haven't found that home anywhere...over the course of my 30-year journey (well if counted from when I've officially become a 'man' then it's a 15-year journey...whatever it was).
Tonight, I'm writing this blog from a living room of my friends' apartment in Northern Ithaca. I sleep here and call it my 'bedroom'.
A couple of months from now, I'll probably be some place far far away. I've always been on the run...wandering around. AFS-Minnesota, Thammasat-Bangkok, Exchange Program-Montreal, Work-Bangkok, Master-Urbana-Champaign, PhD-Ithaca. My life has always been a journey. And, in some way, so does this blog. I started it, and I'm sure I'll stop it someday.
And that's the day I'm no longer a wandering homeless.
posted by Bikku @ 1:35 AM
2 Comments:
I am sure you will find your home someday =)
I agree that the home must be the warming place that the residents help one another. Many years that I have walked, but never walk alone because I know that my parents stand up behind me. That might be the same feeling as yours.
Urbana-Champaign is my temporary place for me to live for a few years from now even though it is not home. I have stopped here for a while to carry out my aim and go back to the real home, Thailand, our country.
Hope that when such time arrives, I can stop a wandering homeless as well.
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